The Power of Separation

As a bystander to our thoughts rather than an unwitting participant, we have the power to decide what effect those thoughts can have on us.  The more intune we are with the commentary that jogs by us, the more control we have over it’s effect.

Let’s take a seat back on that park bench in the park.  Two people jog by and you can hear their conversation.  “I can’t stand it when my three year old won’t do what I ask him to” you hear one person say. You think to yourself “he’s only three, of course he doesn’t do what you ask him to”.

It’s easy to take a rational approach to someone’s thoughts when you aren’t invested in them.  Why do we have to be so invested in our own thoughts?  There is a part of our brain that creates thoughts that we don’t really believe, they merely manifest as a result of our experiences and our interpretations of events.

When we can separate ourselves from the running dialogue in our minds, pay more attention to what that tiny voice is saying, we can begin to change that commentary and change the way we act and react.  We can pick the responses and the commentary that will contribute to a happy home and healthy relationships and perhaps we can shed some of that controlled ideal reactions and help other people be less toxic as well.  Wouldn’t it be something if one by one we could pay forward a little sunshine?  

The human race has evolved a great deal in the last 1000 years, why would it be unrealistic to imagine a race of actualized, caring and compassionate individuals? I bet the cave men would have scoffed at the notion of soul searching had they had the social construct to even consider them.

An Objective Bystander

We’ve all done it or seen it done.  You are sitting on a park bench, arms stretched out across the back of the seat leaning back, legs outstretched and people are passing by.  You say nothing, you barely move. You just watch. You observe the people passing by, make assumptions about what they are doing, who they are, where they are going. You pass no judgement, just merely observe and consider what the role they play might be.

Now imagine that same scenario.  You on a bench, arms stretched out, watching.  But instead of people passing by it’s a string of words.  Words that comprise the thoughts that are running through your head. 

“I’m busy”. 
“I have so much to do”
“I can’t”
“It’s not fair”
“I’m overwhelmed”
“I’m not good at that”
“She only did that to hurt me”
“He’s a  jerk”

These phrases pass by in hard white letters as you sit there on that park bench in the park of your mind.  But instead of feeling the feelings associated with the phrases you just watch them pass by. You meet each phrase with “gee, that’s interesting, I wonder why I would think that”.

There are two voices running our show.  The one voice that provides our running commentary all day of random thoughts, reactions and beliefs and the voice that is more present and aware.  When we can get those two voices to play nicely we are one step closer to being able to live a peaceful life. 

I’ll talk about this some more in my next blog.

Today’s Little Bit

With more free time on my hands, and the sun melting the snow away it really does feel like a new beginning.  I am energized by the opportunity to use the free time to make even a small difference.  Today I’ll be wandering around my community talking with people I see about what is happening and encouraging them to get involved.  It’s interesting to stop and talk to strangers, since so often we look away when passing someone on the street.  Wouldn’t we all feel a little safer if people could look us in the eye?  It starts with us. Today. With just a little thing.  Tomorrow?  Well who knows what tomorrow brings.

Two More Days

Two more days – in hopes of a  January baby I have only 2 more days to go.  We spent some time this morning making a list of baby names. What a process.  It feels like even more pressure for the third one.  Girls names like Elliot and Evan were immediately vetoed by the DH. Why is the easiest way to find a name to look at a list of popular names?  I really don’t want our child to have the same name as a bunch of kids in their school.  Anyways,  I think we have narrowed it down to a few good ones that we can pick from once the little bundle arrives.

I am getting really excited to meet him/her… but surprisingly anxious at the impending labor process.  You think that after doing it twice the third time wouldn’t be so scary but it is.  The first one you have no context as to what is about to happen, the second one you only barely remember the first one when it starts to happen but the third one, there are enough memories that the thought of the laboring is quite scary…  but it should be faster, right?

A New Direction

I’ll apologize in advance as life takes a turn and the next thing you know something else is entirely appropriate to post about. I am the mother of 2 daughters – 5 and 2 and am expecting number 3 any day.  Today is Day 1 of my 52 week Canadian Maternity leave and I am getting a glimpse in to the days that I will have at home with my family.  I cannot wait for the adventure to begin.  I thought that it would be appropriate to keep track of the adventures. Also, to include any insights on how I use the skills and philosophies that I have gained over the past years to help me cope with the chaos that is sure to come.

Day 1:

DD #2 (age 2) is quite excited when DH gets up to go to work.  She lays in bed next to mom and says “mommy, you no go to work, you stay home and play with Fia”

Fast forward one hour – DD#1 and DD #2 are at the kitchen table (correction DD#2 is on the kitchen table) with 11 PlayDoh containers and PlayDoh EVERYWHERE!  But I got to see a monkey bird cookie, a PlayDoh container tower and DD#2 drop her mouth open in shock when she though Mommy actually ate DD#1 monkey Bird Cookie. 

This is going to be an adventure!  As of Day 1 the mess doesn’t bother me… let’s see how long it takes for that to change!